...You know it's right that you bow your head in shame if you enjoy the Twilight series, but I would be hypocritical if I did not, simultaneously, admit my own profound guilt at enjoying Wes Craven's 'Scream' series. The tag line for the original Scream posters was, "Someone has taken their love of scary movies too far." I can only say that I took my love of "Scream" way further than any normal person should have, and leave it at that. However, today we learn that the old cast is getting back together. Any of you who have actually seen all three films would probably wonder - Why? Why, after we understand the entire series of Woodsboro murders would we need an additional Scream? To this I can only say - Have you seen any of these people get work lately? No, I mean like work that the general public noticed? Let's tackle this one at a time shall we:

Neve Campbell - She was the successor scream queen of the 90's because Sigourney Weaver refused to do any more Alien movies, and because Jamie Lee Curtis was getting way too old to do any more teenie bopper flicks. The 90's were indeed the era of Sydney Prescott. But all that changed at the turn of the last decade with Scream 3. The new millennium was not kind to Ms. Campbell. We even [finally] saw her boobies in "I Really Hate My Job" in 07' but to no avail - it's like her stock just kept plummeting, and Syndey Prescott collected dust on a lonely Blockbuster shelf.

David Arquette- Who didn't love Dewey? No one. Sheriff Dwight Riley was the man... or the boy, at least. However, other than the fact that he's Patricia Arquette's brother - who the hell knows or cares what he's doing?

Courtney Cox - Can we say Typecasting? This actress has a bigger 'Friends' scar on her forehead than Daniel Radcliffe will in years to come. It won't take much work for Cox to pretend to be the desperate reporter Gale Weathers. She'll be back in character faster than you can sing I'll be there for you!

Wes Craven- Two words that summed up mean slasher. No one does it better than Wes. However, even Wes has been having some downtime. His iconic monster Freddy is about to hit the stage for the umpteenth time, but he honestly hasn't had an ORIGINAL slasher since 'Cursed.' And anyone who has seen 'Cursed' will tell you that Wes really needs to focus more on his scripts.

Nick Cave - three words - Red - Right - Hand. Everyone Looooves Nick Cave right? Yeah, well, not me. I'm as much of a jazz fan as the next guy, but Nick Cave has been boring me to tears since 'Nocturama.' Nick, listen to the little guy on this - if you get a call from Wes Craven, and you want people to notice you again pick a DJ that's NOT from the 'Thirsty Ear' like Oakenfold, BT, Dinsdale, or Richard Grey, and let them remix your song. Don't let anyone cover it. DJ Spooky is an awesome mixer, but the experimental clashes with this sort of genre. However, this was THE song for 'Scream,' and with respect to Nick Cave it was a good solid song. Let's hope this baby comes back too.

Kevin Williamson - Last, but not least, the writer of the Scream series. I have absolutely no qualms with Mr. Williamson - He took the original slasher equation and made it work. God bless you Mr. Williamson. However, could youplease vary that equation a bit morethan the people who are gonna make up the body count? Honest to God, I know the teenage girls love your stuff (and I myself am loathe to admit that I was under your spell as well.) but could you PLEASE make the next story a little different? We don't need another cookie cutter movie. You of all people should know it after 'Cursed.' You can do WAY better. If Sid's the killer, please make it that she's a hero, and that I don't figure that detail out til' way way later.

After writing this I think we may be able to hypothesize something about horror movies: Those that die young are the lucky ones. You may think me nuts to say this, but consider it for a moment - Drew Barrymore, Rose McGowan, Parker Posey, Liev Schreiber, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and even Jamie 'fuckin' Kennedy were in the Scream trilogy. Yet since they're non-involvement in the series they've gone on to make other movies. It's like if you die in a horror movie you get WORK - And I can name more people if you don't believe me - Kevin Bacon was in the first 'Friday The 13th' and Johnny Depp was in 'A Nightmare on Elm St.' So if you like these actors pray that the next Ghostface killers are members of Al Quaida and that they suicide bomb Woodsboro. GOOD LUCK GUYS LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN STORE FOR 2010!!!